Couples Therapy
Are you struggling with your relationship or marriage?
Has your significant other started to feel more like a roommate than a lover?
Do you notice that you and your partner / spouse are caught in the same repetitive conflict?
Do you and your partner have a hard time communicating?
Do you feel alone in your relationship?
Do you worry that you and your partner are not in alignment about important matters like finances, religion, parenting, or extended family?
You are not alone
If you are experiencing any of these challenges in your relationship, know that you are not alone. Most couples experience one or more of these challenges over the course of their relationship. Modern relationships are complex, with many people hoping for a high degree of fulfillment and meaning from their marriage or partnership. When we have high hopes for a partnership, it can also mean experiencing challenge and disappointment when we’re not sure how to achieve these goals.
At Colorado Therapy Collective, we believe that it’s possible to experience a high level of satisfaction and meaning from your relationship, and that our evidence-based method can help you get there. We see struggles like those listed above as an opportunity – not just to get “back to the way things were” – but to reach greater levels of intimacy, understanding, and satisfaction than you have ever experienced in your marriage or relationship.
Evidence-Based Couples Therapy
At Colorado Therapy Collective, we use a couples therapy modality with more evidence for its efficacy than any other couples therapy. Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, has been affirmed through hundreds of research trials and studies as an effective way of working with couples, in the short term and the long term. While many couples therapies may provide a short-term boost in how couples feel about their relationship, EFT has shown time and again to help couples not just during therapy and the six months after, but over years and decades.
Emotionally Focused Therapy is an attachment-based therapy, which means that it starts from the premise that couples who are struggling and in conflict ultimately want to be seen, loved, and supported. Their conflict is actually a product of longing for these things. We believe that as humans we are fundamentally social beings with a need for deep connection and attachment, and that relationship distress results from the sometimes ineffective ways we struggle toward these goals.
EFT couples therapy is structured in three parts, each tailored to the specific couple in the room. The first stage is focused on de-escalating and understanding conflict and / or distance. The second stage focuses on diving deep into the core fears and longings that fuel conflict, and the third stage focuses on consolidating this change and helping couples feel confident in solving future challenges, without the need for a couples therapist.
Stage 1: Getting to Know You and Conflict De-escalation
We start by getting to know you and your unique relationship. We will begin with one session with the couple and therapist, learning about your unique story and challenges, how each party understands the relationship distress and strengths, and your goals. We work with couples that are very clear they want to work on their relationship, as well as those who are not sure whether they want to stay together or whether it is possible to improve the relationship. We have found that couples therapy can be helpful whether both parties have the same goals when starting counseling or not.
We will then do one session with each member of the couple, so that your therapist can get to know each of your unique history and how that may impact the way you show up in your relationship.
Then, the couples therapist will support you in identifying the typical pattern that conflict in your relationship takes. You will be compassionately supported in recognizing how each of you contributes to the negative cycle in your relationship, as well as understanding the deeper needs and longings that drive these behaviors. Your therapist will help you communicate more clearly and vulnerably about what happens for you in moments of conflict or distance. While we will not shy away from talking about the hard things in your relationship, your therapist will support you in understanding this conflict in the context of your desire for a better relationship, and with a lens of hope and possibility.
Stage 2: Conversations for Deep and Lasting Change
In many types of couples therapy or marriage counseling, once conflict has lessened, both couple and therapist believe the work is done, and are happy to terminate therapy. In EFT, we believe that once conflict has decreased and closeness increased, we have actually set the stage for the type of conversations that will help your relationship stay strong into the future, and will provide a foundation for a healthy relationship years to come. In Stage 2 of EFT, we help couples talk in a deeper way about their needs and longings in relationship, and to learn to support each other not just in everyday tasks, but in deeper ways. The evidence shows that these types of conversations help couples experience secure attachment with each other.
Stage 3: Consolidating Gains and Preparing for the Future
We don’t believe in endless couples therapy. We want to make efficient use of our time, have clear objectives, and empower couples to feel self-sufficient in addressing challenges. As couples therapy comes to a close, we’ll review the skills you’ve learned and the ways you can find your way out of conflict. Because all the work we’ve done will have created a fundamentally more secure relationship with your partner, the good news is that many of these “skills” will come naturally at this point. While we’re always happy to do tune-up sessions and to hear from the couples that we’ve worked with, our goal as you come to the end of couples therapy is that you don’t need us anymore.
The process of emotionally focused couples therapy, because it gets at the root causes of disconnection and conflict, helps couples with seemingly very different problems, whether they experience that disconnection as high conflict or quietly drifting apart.
Common concerns about couples therapy…
This sounds expensive
We see couples therapy as one of the most valuable investments you can make. Your relationship is one of the most important factors in determining your happiness, success, and quality of life. We believe that the hidden costs of limping along in a relationship that isn’t reaching its full potential are much higher than the cost of excellent couples therapy.
At Colorado Therapy Collective, we know that we aren’t the cheapest therapists out there, and we don’t want to be. We invest in our own professional development through ongoing couples therapy training and supervision, and pride ourselves in providing the highest level of evidence-based care that you can find.
I’m ready to start couples therapy, but my partner isn’t
This is a common occurrence. We encourage a partner who is ready to start couples therapy to schedule an appointment with us. We can discuss the specifics of your situation, and our experienced therapists can help you either figure out what you can do to work on your relationship, even if your partner won’t engage in therapy yet, or talk about effective strategies to invite your partner into counseling.
Our problems aren’t that bad - is couples therapy still right for us?
We love working with couples whose relationships are going relatively well, and believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You don’t need to be in crisis to go to couples therapy. Your experienced couples counselor will help structure conversations to support you in addressing concerns before they become too big, and to set you on a path for long term relationship satisfaction.
Why Work With Colorado Therapy Collective?
At Colorado Therapy Collective, we are relationship specialists. Our therapists have a track record of helping couples, from those just wanting support through life changes to those on the brink. Our Founder and Clinical Director, Nancy Brittain, is a certified Supervisor in Emotionally Focused Therapy, and all therapists on the team have advanced training in this highly effective modality.
A Better Relationship is Possible
Get the support you need to make your relationship the fulfilling, loving, and safe space that you imagine. Reach out today to schedule a free consultation with one of our couples therapists, and take the first step toward creating the relationship you deserve.
See if our services are right for you
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